Tuesday, October 14, 2014

Learning to Forgive

I, the Lord, will forgive whom I will forgive, but of you it is required to forgive all men. [D&C 64:9–10]

I would be lying if I said that anger was not a real part of the grieving process.  Sometimes I am angry at individuals...those closest to me…sometimes myself…sometimes people I don’t even really know.  Sometimes I feel abandoned, misled, or confused.  It’s difficult not to question an emulated lifestyle .  Some days, I feel so alone.  

I choose to forgive.

“It’s all part of the process,” people say.  “It’s totally normal,” which I suppose means I’m validated in my feelings...but how would they know?  No two trials are ever the same.  It’s easy to offer comfort when you’re secretly grateful it’s not you.  However, as a good friend explained to me, I have come to realize that 'grief, sorrow, and pain are universal...enabling us to relate with compassion and love toward those we see suffering.’  

I choose to forgive.

Insensitive remarks can cause so much hurt to the broken-hearted.  I wonder if that’s why some people choose to remain silent in the face of another’s adversity.  “How can they not say something about this?” I ask.  I know we’re all at different points in our progression, and most of us are fighting our own demons anyway.   

I choose to forgive.  

How can I rise above an outcome that cannot be changed?  How can I ever feel the peace I once knew?  I have never known such pain, and I know there will be many days ahead when my heart aches and my tears flow.  

Even then, I will choose to forgive.  

I know forgiveness is not a one-time choice.  I have to choose it every day, over and over again.  Often many times in one day - when I see the grief felt by my mom, my brothers, and their wives, when my own children ask questions that cannot be answered right now, when I look at pictures of happier times or see his pencil markings in all of my music books.

I choose to forgive.

Why?  Because I trust in Him, for “I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me” (Philippians 4:13), and come what may, there is true joy in the promises of eternity.  

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Tyandra Perez said...

You are amazing Sharee. I know I'm one who sometimes falls into the category of not saying anything and mostly it's because I don't know what or how to say what I feel but I am thinking of those people and praying for them and I'm sure that that is what most people are doing. You are not forgotten. Thanks for sharing your thoughts. I love the insight you give.

Steph Thomas said...
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Stacey said...

Hey Sharee- I've been thinking of you. I'm so grateful for your friendship and example. You're very inspiring. Love ya!

Julie said...

Beautifully written. So glad I have you. Love, Mom

Shine said...

You have a way with words, Sharee. I'm so grateful you were able to share such raw pain and also such beautiful truths in this post.

You are definitely correct, no two trials are ever the same. Grief, sorrow, and pain, however, are universal. Perhaps that is an important aspect of mortality that Heavenly Father intended...no two trials are the same, but because we each know our own demons and grief and sorrow, we are able to relate with compassion and love toward those we see suffering. "Mourn with those that mourn."

As one who has also had intentional and unintentional insensitive comments cause even more cutting pain, has also wondered, "How would they know, they're just grateful it isn't them," been angry, and had to learn to forgive, to choose to forgive repeatedly, I know that our feelings may be rooted in very different reasons and causes, but my heart can still feel those feelings and remember them as I read your post. Because of that, I just feel like I need to say how much I love you, think the world of you, and admire your continued faith during your time of struggles. That is such a difficult thing to do! Thank heavens for our Savior and his continuing love and ability to strengthen us. :)

Debra Darling said...

My dear beautiful friend, Sharee, how I love you! Yesterday in Sunday School a man shared his experience with forgiving, when forgiving seems hard, almost impossible. He said he came to a time when he realized that the natural tendencies in him made him angry and bitter and wouldn't allow forgiveness to enter his heart. And he felt like he knew that he personally, as a man could not bring himself to forgive another, but that forgiveness happened through time and the only way he could explain how was because of the Atonement of Christ. I don't know if this helps, but I find so much hope and strength in the Atonement of Christ in helping me to forgive. You are such an example to me and many others. I love your words and I am truly amazed by the way you've chosen to respond to this trial in your life.