Overcoming

Occasionally I battle the anxiety that naturally accompanies trauma.  I find myself feeling afraid for no specific reason, and sometimes I have difficulty sleeping.  Sometimes feelings of shame creep inside of me...making me feel unclean.  But there are quiet moments when light prevails, and I am given to know that everything is as it should be.  I am often reminded that faith and fear cannot co-exist.  Knowing this enables me to overcome.  

The hard stretches are becoming fewer and farther in between, but every time I experience a breakthrough, I try to avoid being discouraged and just look at it as another step forward in the right direction.      

I’ve been enjoying life and motherhood very much lately.  Through the ebb and flow of parenting challenges, it’s always encouraging to find myself in a phase with more energy than usual - doing simple personal habits and necessary tasks with full purpose of heart.  

February and March have felt like that for me.

Mom & Brad’s wedding was a joyful event.  It’s impossible for me to describe the mixture of feelings that I had on that day, but the veil was thin, and it was an occasion I shall never forget.

I found this sign on clearance at Hobby Lobby.  I read it every day followed by a fist pump.    

Carlie enjoys getting dressed up and wearing heels on the days when music is the ’special’ at school.

Gabe started a Christian Pre-school last month.    

I had to post this picture of Jared & Cinderella dancing the night away.  This actually brought tears to my eyes watching them that night!  Priceless.

My brother and his wife in the middle of a neighboring subdivision...  

Me - chaperoning the 3rd grade field trip last week to the local planetarium.  OH - I forgot how silly & giggly 3rd graders are.

And speaking of overcoming…we overcame the Norovirus.  (It went through every single one of us over a 10-day period.  It was really hard seeing this little guy so sick.)    

But not without some help from A LOT of Outrageous Ginger Ale.  Truly, I am blessed with the best neighbors - one in particular who kept putting things like this (along with medical disinfectant wipes and Elderberry extract) on my doorstep every day that awful week.      

Farewell Ruby Lou

Tomorrow I will say goodbye to my beloved Ruby Lou doll.  This doll has meant a lot to me over the years, but I couldn’t be more thrilled about where she is going.

About three & a half years ago - after giving birth to my son, Gabriel - I needed to stay in Idaho for a while before I could return to Argentina.  Jared was with me for about one week after Gabe’s birth.  He was able to come back twice over the next four months, but only for a few days each visit.  He got me a new sewing machine for my birthday that summer, just before Gabe was born.  I didn’t know a stitch about sewing, but it was something I’d expressed an interest in learning how to do, so it boosted my spirits during that difficult time.

After finishing a few small projects, I knew I wanted to take the sewing machine back to Argentina with me.  (I had to dedicate an entire suitcase to that baby, but it was well worth it.)  On top of that, I had promised AnnMarie that I would help her make a doll.  We found the Ruby Lou doll pattern and fell in love with it.  Shortly thereafter - upon returning to Argentina - the Ruby Lous for Ruby Jane project was born.  

Well, I never shared the results of that project back in 2013.  We earned around $400 in doll pattern purchases, and 5 dolls were donated!  I was so happy with how it all turned out.  These dolls are not an easy feat to sew, and the fact that 5 women went to all that effort for this project was just so humbling to me.  One of little Ruby Jane’s nurses picked out the sweetest girls to give the dolls to at the hospital where Ruby Jane stayed & passed away.  

I had every intention of donating the first Ruby Lou doll I made (pictured below), but I decided to keep her for sentimental reasons, and I started making a new doll to be donated during the Holidays as planned.  As life would have it, the second doll never got finished, and after the unexpected loss of my dad, so many aspects of my life were put on hold.  

Well, I finally decided to send our original Ruby Lou doll last month, but she came back to me in the mail a few weeks later.  I e-mailed Ani (Ruby Jane’s mom and founder of The Ruby Jane Fountation) about the predicament, and her response touched my heart.  

“Sharee — I think that you saved that doll for a special reason. I know the perfect girl to send it to! We moved in May and this family moved into our precious ward in June. They have a 2 year old named.....Ruby! Yup! And she was diagnosed with cancer in October. She has lost her ability to walk among other things. Her Aunt is my good friend, and she said she would absolutely love one of the dolls! I am so happy about how this worked out in the end!"

I’m so grateful that God has provided me & my girls with this beautiful purpose for our doll.  I was once again reminded that He is in the details of our lives.  I’m finishing up our package tomorrow for little Ruby, complete with a letter to her & her family about how this doll is truly meant for her!  As it has been for me, I hope this Ruby Lou doll will be a reminder of happiness, the comfort that heaven is here, and the knowledge that Heavenly Father is aware of our struggles.     

     

The Power in Heartache

Sometimes I remember what life felt like before a tragedy, and sometimes I wish for that life back.  It’s so amazing how life’s experiences prepare us for heartache though.  I believe God carefully prepares us for the trials we must face in life…but when the storms rage, we ultimately show Him what we’re made of.  

Little by little I see the power in trials.  We begin to see ourselves as God sees us.  We learn to see life for what it is and what really matters.  We’ll all go through some very scary things in life.  Things that don’t make a whole lot of sense.  Things that break us.  Things that make us wonder why and how.  I’ve always believed wholeheartedly that there is equality in the testing process...and it's because God loves us that much.    

I am not ashamed to say that no man I've ever met was my father’s equal.  My dad drove a beat up brown bomb and had holes in his shoes so that I could have piano lessons and go to dance class.  He made me feel like I was worth every bit of it, too.  He trained me musically and taught me how to be good & descent to other people.  He cried a little every time we said goodbye and reminded me that he’d miss me every day 'til our next hello.  

I discovered this snippet today and couldn’t believe how much it related to everything I’ve been feeling this week.  I’m not always sure where I’m at in the healing process - I’ve come a long ways - but I have hope that someday the raw pain that often catches me off guard won’t affect me so much.  I’m still working towards getting passed that part I think.      

 "I prayed and prayed and prayed (x100,000) that God would take those feelings (of pain)

away, help me forget, and help me move on.

 

In due time God took it away from me

but in His great wisdom, He didn't take them away completely.

He took away the pain, but not the memories.

 

I believe the hard parts make us strong.  

They make us fighters, they make us sympathetic,

caring, kind, loving, compassionate, and they make us brave.” - NieNie