Acquaintance with Grief

In my acquaintance with grief I have diligently strived to be prayerful and observant.  In the process I have come to recognize that even the most mundane aspects of my life have been falling into place...like a beautifully orchestrated symphony of necessary events under heavenly direction. 

I believe grief is meant to awaken our souls to reality.  We are much more than just mortals, and it’s necessary to KNOW that (not just believe it) at some point in our journey.  Life through an eternal lens takes on new meaning and purpose. 

If I truly believe in Christ, then come what may!  Death cannot kill what never dies.  Easter Sunday was a true celebration of this very truth.

"Sometimes in our sorrow we are tempted to feel alone or forsaken, but looking back, we recognize we were never really alone…nor were we forsaken.  I believe that in our grief we are meant to feel alone in order that we might humble ourselves to talk to God and seek an understanding that defies mortal senses.” - Chris Jones

Blessing Day

Last month (on Sunday, March 8th) Luke received a very special blessing from his dad known as a baby blessing.  (This type of blessing provides opportunity to give a baby an official name and to bless their physical & spiritual welfare.) The specifics of Luke's blessing are recorded in my journal thanks to a good friend who had the foresight to write everything down that was stated in the moment (thanks Kiersten!).  Although all four of my children’s baby blessings have been special, Luke’s was especially powerful considering the circumstances.  It was really great to spend a weekend with my mom, brothers & their families, and my husband’s family.  Luke was the first of by babies to be blessed in our home ward.  In the past we’ve had our babies blessed in Idaho where all of our family members were able to participate, but this time they all came to us!  He wore a darling little white tux that his Grandma Wolfley gave to him.   

One thing I’ve learned about having a ginger baby with blue eyes is that everyone can’t help but comment about it!!  I love having this sweet little redhead around more than words can say; I sure hope his color keeps.  

I tried to capture a picture of everyone that came, but it didn’t happen with all the hustle & bustle of dinner preparation afterwards.  Anyway…here’s the best of my attempt. :)  Feeling grateful for family and the support we received on this momentous occasion.

Let it be spoken without an effort

 Following my little brother’s wedding last April, there was a beautiful reception in Coeur d’Alene, Idaho (Emmy’s hometown and a favorite place of mine).  Jared & I use to visit Coeur d’Alene during our first year of marriage when we lived in Moscow, Idaho where we attended the University there.  

 Anyway, the reception was absolutely lovely, and it was such a treat for my whole family.  I loved that my own little family only had 2 hours of drive time to get there!  My parents, grandparents, and brother’s family had nearly 9 hours of drive time, so we met up with them in a nearby hotel to change our clothes and prepare for the big night.

 I’m usually very social, and I love the opportunity to meet new people, but that night there was a unique quiet about me as I watched my parents stand in a simple reception line (made up of bride, groom, and parents).  I couldn’t help but smile at their graciousness, meeting and greeting perfect strangers in such a warm way.  I admired them from a distance and thought about what a beautiful life they had created for themselves.  “Look at them shine,” I thought to myself.  And they did!  I reflected on my own wedding reception nearly 10 years before.  I looked at my son, Gabriel, and imagined how I might feel when he gets married someday.  

 The reception line dispersed and someone announced that it was time for the father-daughter dance.  I approached my mom & dad, and Jared snapped a quick photo of the 4 of us (pictured below).  We watched in anticipation of the moment as the father of the bride took his daughter’s hand.  My own dad put his arm around me, “I’m sure proud of you,” he said.  For what?  I thought.  He always said that.  And in perfect Pres. Henry B. Eyring fashion, he got all choked up and tried to talk through the tears as he always did, but he just couldn’t.  That was my dad.

So...we just listened to the song together…a few tears streaming down our cheeks…then laughed at an abrupt quirk in the sound system.  

 "Death is nothing at all.  It does not count.  I have only slipped away into the next room.  Nothing has happened.  Everything remains exactly as it was.  I am I, and you are you, and the old life that we lived so fondly together is untouched, unchanged.  Whatever we were to each other, that we are still.  Call me by the old familiar name.  Speak of me in the easy way which you always used.  Put no difference into your tone.  Wear no forced air of solemnity or sorrow.  Laugh as we always laughed at the little jokes that we enjoyed together.  Play, smile, think of me, pray for me.  Let my name be ever the household word that it always was.  Let it be spoken without an effort, without the ghost of a shadow upon it.  Life means all that it ever meant.  It is the same as it ever was.  There is absolute and unbroken continuity.  What is this death but a negligible accident?  Why should I be out of mind because I am out of sight?  I am but waiting for you, for an interval, somewhere very near, just around the corner.  All is well.  Nothing is past; nothing is lost.  One brief moment and all will be as it was before only better, infinitely happier and forever we will all be one together with Christ.  How we shall laugh at the trouble of parting when we meet again."

 - Henry Scott Holland